On Grief, Motherhood, and Gun Violence
This body of work began as a prayer I didn’t have words for. As a mother, I found myself haunted by the terrifying reality of sending a child to school in a world where lockdown drills and active shooter alerts are normal. My son was 1 month old when the Sandy Hook shootings happened. The sadness, terror and fear I felt was palpable and has stayed with me. One day, I sat beside a friend as she lived through a red alert. Her children were inside. And the fear cracked something open in me.
These pieces are not answers - they are questions. What does it mean to raise a child in a world where violence is always one headline away? What do we do with the anticipatory grief that so many of us carry quietly? This work is my way of not looking away. It’s a sacred act of remembering, processing, and refusing to normalize the unbearable.
The pieces themselves are abstract, emotional, and layered, created through color, texture, and movement that reflect both the horror and the hope. One recurring image I carry is of a parent waiting in the reunification room…and realizing their child is never coming through the door. This image haunts me, terrorizes my heart and pains me regularly. This series is unfinished because the crisis is ongoing. And I will keep painting until the shootings stop.
The unbearable act of witnessing.
Reports Say:
Can’t sleep
My heart laments
Yesterday in
our own backyard
It happened
Reports of
Code Red
All are safe
Thank God
Phones sung
A chorus
We’re ok
I’m scared
What’s happening
If anything happens,
I love you.
Reports say
It’s a drill.
Phones sing
It’s real.
3 people, 2?
Code Red
Lockdown
Code Yellow
Can’t get in
Do not come
All Are Safe
For now.
It happened
It’s now not if but when
Parents gather
Please don’t worry
Messages
I’m praying.
Reports say
Here’s what we know
I love you
Here’s what we heard
I love you
Here’s what they said
God, please.
Protect them
I want them
Home.
I AM DONE
All are safe
All clear.
This time.
It’s now not if but when.
And today?
What next?
Should I
Send him?
News cycle
repeats
Reports of
Back to school
All.
Are.
Safe.
Reports say
code red
It’s now not if but when.
When.
Yesterday.
Today.
Tomorrow.
In the Red, White & Blue
In the red, white and blue
Sticky plates
Red, rests on the counter
We’re going to be late
One rain boot
White, lays in the lawn
We’ll grab it later
Later. When there is time.
Three metal chairs
Blue, barricade the door
Shhh. Hush now
Alarm sounds
Code Red, Balloon pop
this is not a drill.
huddled by the desk
children, 5 & 6
It’s ok. It’s ok.
Money lines the pockets
Green, legislation is
Not passed.
Deafening scream
Black, pop pop pop
Smoke. Silence.
Overturned chairs
Red. Sticky. Covered.
Muffled cries.
Later. When there is time.
Later. When there is time.